A habit of negative thinking is easy to come by. Let's just consider the people around us, the television, the radio, and our community as a whole. Considering the new trend is to think and speak positively, it is clear that changing a negative mindset to a positive one is a lot trickier than most of us expected.
As adults we know how difficult it can be to change our habits. As such, it is important we encourage our kids and teens to develop the habit of positive thinking before they solidify a pessimistic view of life. Being negative has nothing to do with being realistic ("I just call it as I see it!") it's just one interpretation of the many possible ones. Being positive on the other hand injects a note of hope and expectancy. It's a much healthier mindset.
In my practice, I love to work with and empower parents. While my one-on-one work with youth is creates immediate changes, it is my work with parents that helps the changes stick around long after I exit the scene. As such I direct much of my writing to parents, hoping to challenge them, inspire them, and guide them to think in different ways.
Here are common ways I suggest to parents to correct their teens' negative thinking:
Challenge your teen's negative thinking: Often times, you can challenge your teens negative thinking through logic alone. For example, if your teen holds the belief that new people tend not to like him ask him what he basis this conclusion on. Is it a preconceived expectation that tends to colour his view of reality? Is it based on some past experiences that lead him to believe every future experience will be the same? Future predictions, believing to be able to read others' minds, all or nothing thinking, and catastrophizing are some of the major areas of faulty thinking.
Challenge your teen to step out of the comfort zone: Teens are willing to try new things if they are not worried about failing and of what that failure means. If the temporary failure is considered a part of the process and if it can be separated from what that means about him, perceived failure is no longer so threatening. Clarify this for your teen and challenge him to try something he otherwise wouldn't.
A failure is not a failure: As a society we have conditioned ourselves to believe that anytime something does not work out as planned it is a failure instead of a ‘learning lesson.' The word failure is defeating and has a note of finality in it where as a learning lessons sounds more positive and allows room for improvement. In my eyes failures only happen when people give up. Anytime your teen refers to ‘failures' ask him to look deeper into the situation and ask him what he has learned and what he would do differently if he could do it again. Challenge him to try again if that is an option.
Watch yourself: Just as a kitten learns how to be a cat from his mom, kids learn how to be human, how to think, and how to behave from their parents. Yes, you must watch your thinking and speaking patterns (keep a journal to help you get a sense of your positivity/negativity patterns). Practice steps 1 to 3 in front of your teen. Just as a kitten follows mother cat's example, your teen will follow yours.
Best Wishes to YourFamily!
Ivana Pejakovic, Life Coach in Toronto
Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA - About the Author:
Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA, is a Toronto Life Coach working with teens, young adults, and parents.
Life is full of distractions that can lead youth to accidently or intentionally step off the road to self-discovery and self-fulfilment only to end up disoriented, confused and unhappy. Teens are particularly likely to step off the right path as they search for their true self and a place to fit in.
Through the principles of self-love and self-awareness Ivana guides her clients to the path of success. Ivana directs her clients to develop a healthy attitude and a healthy level of self-confidence and self-esteem by leading her clients to understand their true worth and potential, to focus on what matters, and to help them develop goals and a vision to guide them in a direction that is right for them.
For more information visit www.lifecoachintoronto.com
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